Changin’ it up, for now.

First of all, note to self: Start carrying around a notebook so that you don’t forget the 500 things that go through your mind in a day that you’d like to blog about. But don’t blog about them all, pick and choose, else you’ll bore the nice people who actually take the time to read what you have to say.

AND, please, if you haven’t already, please see this for the most amazing thing anyone has ever said and/or written about me to my knowledge. This is a true story, don’t be surprised if you see this on the Lifetime channel one day. I don’t think I can or should elaborate because she says it best. But I am forever grateful to this woman, who bullied talked me into blogging after finding me on the webs after being out of touch for 19 or so years. I love you Bunnie, and without you none of this would have happened! You truly are the Goddess of Social Media and old friend and great blog hooker-upper! (not a hooker, please don’t misread this).

Now that that’s out of the way, you may or may not have noticed I changed the Title of my blog, from What’s for dinner, to what’s NOT for dinner. Drastic, I know! The thing is, this new diet food agenda, has put me in a bit of a stump as far as cooking for the family, but only temporarily I guarantee you. Lately I have been uninspired to cook, partially because I’m re-training myself to eat the way that benefits me and my desired weight, and partially because 90% of what I cook, or want to cook, is not appreciated by anyone except for me and the hubs. And even that is debatable. The kids? They would eat a ground shit burger with toe jam sauce and be content. As hard as I try, and want them to eat well, and learn about what good food really is, they don’t want to know. Especially from me, and yes, that is another story for a therapist and yes, I’m looking for one right this minute.

Oh, and for the “Among other things” segment of my blog, I’d like to report that thanks in large part to the deregulation of the greedy sons of bitches on Wall Street and the banking industry in general, one of my 401K’s has dropped oh, a good 50% now in the last few month. 23% just yesterday. I understand the consequences of investing, both positive and negative. But now I fully understand the consequences of investing in a market that has been deregulated by our government. No different than handing a kid a 5 dollar bill and saying, “Here you go, run in there, it’s all yours, no one’s watching, and later, if you get caught, someone else will take the fall.” I’m no good at analogy’s but you get my drift. Work has been scary to say the least. Shit, they bought me lunch today for the first time in I don’t know how long. Perhaps to soften the blow. I don’t really know.

Alright, the good news is, I’ve lost 8 pounds. 8 pounds! The strange thing is, I don’t feel it, I don’t look 8 pounds thinner, but mentally I feel 8 pounds lighter. AND, I found my Treadclimber with a story (see previous post if you have no idea wtf I’m talking about), but I was too chicken shit to find out the juicy details behind my new toy. “Jen”, who was the seller of this magnificent sweat machine, was so nice, told me that she was getting rid of it because she was going through a divorce and was living in an apartment and had no room for it. Jason and I met her at her grandparents house where she was storing it, and God damn if she wasn’t the nicest (and skinniest) woman I’ve met in a long time (and I’m pretty sure she was my age or close to it!)

So here’s to Bunnie and Amy and Jen, and my new Treadclimber, and to finding new ways to cook stuff I love to cook! (Take a shot of your favorite beverage, please)


Reflecting, losing weight, and advice. Need some.

On September 11th, 2001, my daughter turned two months old. I was on maternity leave, loving being a mom, but still scared to death about it. I was still coming to terms with the fact that I was responsible for the life of this little human being. I was breast feeding her when I turned on the TV and watched the unbelievable events unfold, and suddenly I was unable to feed her, at least from my body. As if I wasn’t feeling scared enough about keeping this baby alive, I asked myself “What kind of world have I brought her into?” All the crazy thoughts that go along with being a mother for the first time intermingled with this national disaster, of which we knew nothing about yet, was extremely hard for me to reconcile. I got my sister on the phone, we conferenced in my mom, and talked and cried while we watched the 2nd plane hit. I called work to see if anyone from my office was visiting HQ at the time (our HQ was at the WTC), and sure enough there were two colleagues there, but thankfully both escaped unharmed. The days that followed were surreal. I live near a small airport, and was used to hearing small planes overhead, all the time. The silence became awkward and scary almost. And then I remember when they were allowed to fly again, I felt nervous and sick to my stomach when I saw the commercial planes start their descent. A feeling that I have yet to shake. In 2004, I went to New York on business and had a chance to see Ground Zero. I never had the fortune of seeing the towers in person, but NOT seeing them there, and seeing some nearby buildings that were still damaged and being repaired was something I will never forget. I will never forget any of it. I can’t imagine that any of us ever will.

On a lighter note, I quit the detox phase of my weight-loss plan on Monday. I only lasted the three required days, and at that, I barely made it!! I said that was the easy part, didn’t I? Yep, I did, my last post said “easy”. WTF? It was easy four years ago. It was not easy this time around. I started on Saturday and ended up with a huge headache Monday night. And I was so extremely irritable, I would have felt better if someone poured jalapeno juice in my eyeballs. I don’t know what caused it.. I imagine it was carb withdrawal because I ate plenty o’ food. I feel really good so far, and as of today I’ve lost 5 of the 17 total I want to take off. Yay! Need to step up the exercise routine.. Wii fit isn’t quite cutting it, so I’m going to look for a Tread Climber.. those fuckers are expensive, so I’m going to check Craig’s List and for some poor schmuck who paid full price and now needs to get rid of it because his wife left him for another woman. Or something like that. A used Tread Climber with a story, that’s what I want.

And last but not least, I need some advice about Commenting. I’m new to this (duh, as if it isn’t obvious), and I want to know if it’s proper etiquette that I comment on the comments people leave on my blog. I love comments, I LIVE for comments, and I notice that a lot of bloggers comment on comments and I wonder if I should be doing so as well. I’m happy either way. I just want to know.

Detoxing feels good, sorta

Over the last couple of months, I have gotten very uncomfortable in my own skin. And my pants. I am gaining weight like crazy and it’s making me feel absolutely horrible. Last weekend I ended up spending a couple hundred bucks on new clothes because I can’t button buttons anymore. I want to say the weight gain started as a result of not sleeping at night. Last year at this time, I was getting up at 5 a.m. and working out for an hour in my basement. Those days are so over, because I find it physically impossible to get up at 5am because I don’t fucking sleep. So, vicious circle, don’t exercise because I can’t sleep, and I can’t sleep because I don’t exercise. It’s NOT FAIR!! Anyway, when I had Ryleigh 7 years ago, I had a really hard time losing the last 20 pounds (I gained way too much weight). So, I heard about a clinic in town that does a program that includes weekly vitamin B6/B12/HCG injections, monthly visits with a nutritionist, and if your BMI dictates, and if you choose, you can also be given a prescription for an appetite suppressant. It was highly motivating for me, I lost all the weight, and then some. I reached my goal and I was in the best shape of my life. I joined a gym, I got to the point where I could walk around in a freaking bikini and feel totally hot, I felt so good. This lasted for several years. I kept the weight off, only fluctuating about 10 pounds or so from year to year, until this year. So, I went back at the clinic last night, and I feel really motivated to make a change. Not just in my eating habits (which frankly, aren’t the problem), but in other habits.. the worst being I LIKE TO DRINK WHEN I COOK. This is going to be the big challenge for me, because me thinks this may be a huge part of the weight gain. I wasn’t going to get into bad habits here (it’s so damn personal), but I feel like if I say it out loud it makes it more real. The reality of it is, no more drinking wine, or gin n coke every time I throw a frying pan on the stove.

That being said, the detox phase lasts anywhere from 3 to 17 days, it’s up to me. It’s not the worst thing in the world, it’s lots of lean protein and raw veggies; lots of water of course, and 2 oranges a day. I can do this part.. this is easy. It’s shifting my way of thinking about food, and about my health that is going to be the challenge. But since I’ve done it before and was super successful the first time around, I feel confident I can do it again, and this time stick with it for life. I’m going back to the clinic on Monday to go over the results of the body test they gave me on Friday. I know I’ll qualify for the appetite suppressant drugs.. BRING IT ON! And I’ll see how the next few days of detox go and decide after Monday if I want to keep going or not. Tonight I made a spinach salad with some purple onion and mini sweet peppers, and flounder fillets with fresh garlic and ginger. AND NO WINE, AND NO GIN AND NO VODKA. It was still pretty good…

No politics on my blog.. except for now. And hummus.

I’m not going to get into anything serious in regards to politics on my blog, but for right now, I have to get this off my chest:  I consider myself an Independent because I could never fully back either party, although I mostly swing towards the Democratic side.  And I swing that way for two big reasons.  Number one being that I have 2 gay brothers.  TWO of them.  They are both Americans, who work, and pay taxes just like us heteros, but are not granted the same rights as we are.  That, my friends, is COMPLETE BULLSHIT.  And when I hear the fucking shit about “preserving the sanctity of marriage” in the context of opposition of same-sex marraige, I want to freaking punch someone in the god damn face.  Let’s face it.. anyone who cheats on their spouse is denouncing the “sanctity of marraige”, right?  So let’s get that shit straight once and for all.  I know more gay couples who are more deserving of children than a lot of heteros who already have children. They are not only financially responsible, but they are more stable in their relationship than a lot of straight couples I know, who already have children.  Why are they being denied the same benefits?  Because the GOP considers it a moral issue, rather than a human issue.  Yeah?  Fuck you. 

Number 2 reason why I could not vote for the GOP (grand old party, my ass..) is that I believe in my right to choose.  That will never waver.  I have never had to exercise that right, and for that I am grateful, but I know plenty of women who have.  This is no ones business except for the person who is in this position.  And for anyone out there who thinks that abortion is a form of birth control, they are sick and twisted, and may one day face their own demons.  That is their choice, not the choice of the douche bags in Washington.  And for the women out there who think that abortion is an abomination, here’s a novel idea..   DON’T FUCKING HAVE ONE! AND DON’T TELL ME, OR ANYONE ELSE WHO MAKES THAT CHOICE, THAT THEY ARE WRONG BECAUSE IT’S NOT YOUR BUSINESS.  Whew.  Ok, enough said about that. Please don’t hate me.

I watched the RNC to the best of my ability, because my brother told me that “It’s only fair”.  And he is leaning towards an Obama vote for sure, but he likes to keep the peace, so I did it for him.  I can’t say that I’m glad I watched it, because it did nothing for me.  Nothing.  Sure, I completely appreciate McCains service to our country.. I would never deny it.  But it does not make him a better candidate for president.  Pretty much, I wish I could go to sleep until it’s time to vote, and then wake up when it’s all over.  And then decide if I want to remain in this country as a citizen or not.. because my discontent has grown ever since Bush Jr. was elected.  It’s grown into a discontent I never thought I would feel about my country.. I never thought I would feel this passionately about politics, but this election has stirred something in me, and I think in large part it has to do with my family situation, and also that I want my children to grow up in a free society.  Free for everyone, not just heterosexuals, and not just right-wing christian conservatives.  Whew. Ok, again, please don’t hate me.  I needed to get that out and now I feel better. 

And now it’s time to cleanse your palate..  please take a shot of something, or have a bite of sorbet, because while all of this bullshit was going on, I made a kick-ass dinner.  A delightful curry with rice noodles, and I also made a roasted red pepper hummus for a silly pot-luck at work tomorrow.  If you hate curry or hummus, please don’t hate me.  

School starting: A blessing or a curse?

Does my post title have anything to do with What’s for dinner? No, but
Among other things, yes it does. (Shit, now I can’t use this line again, can I?) Anyway, like most everyone else’ kid, at least in Utah, school started on Monday for my son Talon (going into the 9th grade) and Brittanie (going into the 11th grade). Blessing because, a)I don’t have to worry about whether or not the house will be standing when I get home, and, b)Curse, because I have to start monitoring things like how much lunch money do I need to fork out; and is the phone call I get every day from the school regarding absences really valid (yes, I’ve gotten 2 already.. I shit you not), and a plethera of other crap that isn’t worth my time to mention, or yours, because either a)you’re there, or have been there, or b)you’re gonna be there one day and you don’t wanna hear it. Either way, it’s exhausting and if I had my way, I’d hibernate through the school year and let hubs deal. So since there’s no way around it, I’ll do as we all do, and I’ll brace myself for what I am HOPING is to be a better year than last. My husband went to Afghanistan for 6 months last December and it was quite a, well, how do I put it nicely, um, well, EXPERIENCE to be a single mother to 3 kids for that period of time. That is beside the point though.
My taste buds are still quite iffy, and my desire to cook has diminished but not escaped me completely. Last night was pathetic. Frozen fish sticks and tater tots. Not that normally I wouldn’t like that meal, because every once in a while, I dig that kinda stuff, but last night, UGH, it almost literally made me ill. So tonight we had some pasta with roasted cauliflower, red onion, and garlic. And it was a hit! I noticed the recipe had no protein, so I added some toasted pine nuts and “real” bacon bits, and yeah, even the kids dug it. (I bought a new plate for pictures.. and I decided I just might start collecting plates for the sake of “plating”..)

Oh, and the other night, I needed to do something with all of the arugula I had (have I mentioned, I ABSOLUTELY LOVE ARUGULA??????) So I made a salad with It (arugula, I refer to it as It, as one may refer to Him as God), new potatoes and a rotisserie chicken. Really freaking good.. and so I decided that a picture of the preparation was prettier than the actual salad:

Unfortunately I was never able to taste that salad. Not even the next day for lunch. I have to say, this anomaly of not being able to taste my food, AND GAINING WEIGHT at the same time has me really concerned. I made an appointment with my ENT doc, but he’s booked a month out, so I can’t see him til September 24th or some shit. I guess that my love for cooking doesn’t die out with my taste buds because I still want to do it. Such is life i guess.

I’m so off, it’s not even funny

I know we all go through these periods where things just seem out of whack. For whatever reason, the fucking universe just doesn’t want to cooperate with our personal wants needs, and I really really hate that! It doesn’t sit well with me at all. A whole series of events it seems has sort of lead to a discontent I haven’t felt in a very long time. Had a great visit from my husband’s sister, whom prior to this weekend, had not spent more than a few hours with since Jas and I met over 8 years ago. It was so nice to have her here and get to know her. She’s one of those very honest people who doesn’t have any pretenses and just is who she is, and I LOVE her for that. I posted a picture or two of her on my Flickr page, check her cuteness out.
Aside from the utter bullshit at work, I have been very frequently losing my sense of taste. Not my expensive taste, but my taste buds. This is really a bitch for me because I cook for my family almost every single night of the week. You know how when you get a bad cold, you can’t smell/taste for a day or so? That’s what I’m experiencing, but it’s totally intermittent, and I KNOW first thing in the morning when I can’t taste my coffee (insert HUGE sigh) that it will be a day-long event. I had intense surgery on my sinuses last year and I can’t help but think it is related in some way. Nonetheless, it’s very frustrating to say the least. AND to make things worse, I am gaining weight like a son-of-a-bitch for reasons unknown to me other than the Paxil I’ve been on for a few months now. I can handle some vanity pounds, but now it’s getting out of control. Honestly, when I can’t taste my food, I feel like what’s the point of eating? But then I remember, OH YEAH, I’M STILL HUNGRY. It’s a strange sensation that is really messing with my mind. I have been uninspired to cook anything uber delicious, although there have been a few good meals here and there. In fact, my sis-in-law claimed the barbequed trout with an arugula salad was one of the best meals she’s ever had! (Lies to make me feel better, I’m sure):

And tonight ended up being Faco Friday, because, well I told my husband it was his turn to think of something for dinner, and as usual, he came up with tacos. Not glamorous, but they were delicious:

So if you have any ideas about the taste bud thing, let me know. My WebMD searches have told me it’s a brain tumor or schizophrenia. I can’t live with that.

Colonblow update, plus why I love summer

Well, we survived the Colonblow with no accidents, no embarassing sounds coming from our asses in public, not a single incident. Let me say, however, that our shopping day at Ikea had to be cancelled because I hate public restrooms (although, if I have to use one, Ikea’s are quite pleasant) and since that damn place is so big, I felt it to be a little too risky. So all in all, it was a success, I feel good right now except that I’m tired because I stayed out too late and Ryleigh decided that she wanted me to make her breakfast at 7:30 this morning. Oh well, that’s the beauty of having youg-ens. We went the full 24 hours without eating solid food, so last night when we got to the Rock Band party, we were absolutely starved. Starved beyond starved; to the point where I couldn’t be even a little bit social until I ate something. Anything. Had a delicious burger and lots of wine.. not the best way to end a cleanse, but what the hell.

Ok, and here is why I love summer. Besides the fact that I don’t have to wear socks, this little treat is something I only have at summer time, although I could definitely eat it year round:

Caprese salad. If you’ve never had this, you’re missing out and I suggest you get right to it! It’s absolutely mandatory to use fresh picked tomatoes, but if your garden was blown to shit by a freak storm like mine was, the next best option are Campari. I’m not kidding, these are so close to tasting like you picked em yourself, it’s crazy. Anyhow, you slice those suckers up, sprinkle some kosher salt and fresh ground pepper over them, put FRESH Mozarella cheese (this is important too, you must use fresh, not the rubbery shit they try to pass off as Mozarella) and a basil leaf on top of that. I like to pour a little extra virgin olive oil over the top, then sprinkle a little balsamic vinegar over that. Voila, it’s the most delicious snack you’ll have all summer. And the second reason why I love summer so is because I don’t have to wear socks. So do me a favor, if you’re wearing socks, at least take them off while you savor this treat. For me. Thanks.