What I’m about to say definitely falls under “Among other things”, so bear with me. As I sit here at my laptop, I find myself clenching my teeth even though my temples already hurt from too much teeth clenching over the last few days. I try to be conscious of this, but since I have the attention span of a 3-year-old, I quickly forget to stop doing it, and well, I drive myself mad by this silly behavior. I am in total panic mode over losing my job. I’ve never lost a job before; I’ve always left on my own volition. I’ve survived layoffs and firings, I’ve survived office politics, of which I try stay out of but there are people who manage to involve you in shit you have done your best to stay out of. I’ve survived being outsourced, after being with the same company for eleven years. And now I believe that the goings on in the market last week have put an end to this long run of good fortune. This isn’t good for a control freak such as myself. Bad timing too, because I weaned myself off of my meds and am feeling weird and vulnerable anyway, so this uncertainty couldn’t come at a worse time. I realize there are worse things in the world than losing a job, and in the back of my mind I know that it’ll be a blessing in disguise given the fact that I do not love my job by any stretch of the imagination. I’m already sketching out plans in my little brain of what I’ll do with my time off. So if I know losing my job will ultimately be a good thing, why am I so fucking freaked out over it? Oh, yeah, because I’m a control freak with no control over this. The worst part is, I have to go to what I consider trustworthy news sources to find out what my employer (for fear of being Dooced, I’ll say it’s a financial firm that rhymes with Fork-and-Manly) is scheming to either save the business, lose the business, or merge with a firm who isn’t going belly up. In fact, I was supposed to work today, but was advised on Friday that the project I have been working on the last three Sunday’s has been canceled. This is what put me into full panic mode. Tomorrow should be interesting……..
So to take my mind off of this nonsense, last night I decided I wanted Indian food regardless of whether or not it fits into my new food deal. I adore Indian food, and I’ve been cooking it for a long time. So over the years I have purchased serving dishes similar to what they use in the Indian food restaurants, you know, so that I can pretend I’m the head chef. Oh shit, did I just say that out loud? You know you all pretend to be a chef or pretend that you have your own cooking show. Don’t tell me you don’t. And if you really don’t do that, you should try it. It’s fun. But make sure you get those you’re cooking for to call you “chef”. It really helps get you in the groove. Here’s what I came up with, please notice the silver bowl for the rice; it’s one of my favorite finds. Also, please note the authenticity of the rice. Saffron threads, whole cumin seeds and peas. The real deal! Only I didn’t toast the cumin seeds before hand. Oh, and I should have served a mango lassi or Taj Mahal beer, but a glass (or three) of Shiraz worked just as well.