Fear and loathing in SLC

What I’m about to say definitely falls under “Among other things”, so bear with me. As I sit here at my laptop, I find myself clenching my teeth even though my temples already hurt from too much teeth clenching over the last few days. I try to be conscious of this, but since I have the attention span of a 3-year-old, I quickly forget to stop doing it, and well, I drive myself mad by this silly behavior. I am in total panic mode over losing my job. I’ve never lost a job before; I’ve always left on my own volition. I’ve survived layoffs and firings, I’ve survived office politics, of which I try stay out of but there are people who manage to involve you in shit you have done your best to stay out of. I’ve survived being outsourced, after being with the same company for eleven years. And now I believe that the goings on in the market last week have put an end to this long run of good fortune. This isn’t good for a control freak such as myself. Bad timing too, because I weaned myself off of my meds and am feeling weird and vulnerable anyway, so this uncertainty couldn’t come at a worse time. I realize there are worse things in the world than losing a job, and in the back of my mind I know that it’ll be a blessing in disguise given the fact that I do not love my job by any stretch of the imagination. I’m already sketching out plans in my little brain of what I’ll do with my time off. So if I know losing my job will ultimately be a good thing, why am I so fucking freaked out over it? Oh, yeah, because I’m a control freak with no control over this. The worst part is, I have to go to what I consider trustworthy news sources to find out what my employer (for fear of being Dooced, I’ll say it’s a financial firm that rhymes with Fork-and-Manly) is scheming to either save the business, lose the business, or merge with a firm who isn’t going belly up. In fact, I was supposed to work today, but was advised on Friday that the project I have been working on the last three Sunday’s has been canceled. This is what put me into full panic mode. Tomorrow should be interesting……..

So to take my mind off of this nonsense, last night I decided I wanted Indian food regardless of whether or not it fits into my new food deal. I adore Indian food, and I’ve been cooking it for a long time. So over the years I have purchased serving dishes similar to what they use in the Indian food restaurants, you know, so that I can pretend I’m the head chef. Oh shit, did I just say that out loud? You know you all pretend to be a chef or pretend that you have your own cooking show. Don’t tell me you don’t. And if you really don’t do that, you should try it. It’s fun. But make sure you get those you’re cooking for to call you “chef”. It really helps get you in the groove. Here’s what I came up with, please notice the silver bowl for the rice; it’s one of my favorite finds. Also, please note the authenticity of the rice. Saffron threads, whole cumin seeds and peas. The real deal! Only I didn’t toast the cumin seeds before hand. Oh, and I should have served a mango lassi or Taj Mahal beer, but a glass (or three) of Shiraz worked just as well.

Indian food = peace

Indian food = peace

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4 responses to “Fear and loathing in SLC

  1. I’m so sorry about the job…yeak, it’s certainly been a crazy week in the market & it’s so tough to work in an environment which is so volitile. Hang in there…it truly could be your blessing in disguise. Though I often miss my “good job” with good pay/benefits…I have never missed the “office politics” of the corporate world (or the phone which involved a constant ambillical cord stuck to my head). I also found making sure to do what I love too made a big difference! Which is why I think it’s great that you needed to just cook a fantastic meal..you’re obviously a professional…go ahead, call yourself a chef! :}

  2. I’m right there with you. I work in an industry (print media) that is rapidly dying. 75% of my department was laid off earlier this year. My future is unknown, and scary. The state of everything right now scares the bejeesus out of me.

    Will you teach me how to like Indian food? It scares me, and I’m not sure why. I am going to give it another chance when I go to NYC later this week.

    Hang in there, C!

  3. I have been laid off 3 times. Twice when I was with companies that were ate up by larger companies and once due to the economy after 9/11. It sucks and its shocking and I wasn’t too sad to leave jobs that sucked (at least in two situations). I am also potentially in the same situation again with a company that has lawsuits out the ass and can barely make payroll each week. Sigh!
    Speaking from experience, it is best to remember that everything happens for a reason. This is just the universes way of kicking you out of the nest (your comfort zone) to help you get to were you really need to be. Scary and sucky, but so much fun in the end.
    Hang in there sweetie, you are destined for many a great adventures.
    Love ya!

  4. C-Pay … I think you’ll be fine. Even when Fork-and-Manly shut us down in Maple-Terra in 2001, the IT group was the last to go … and we’ve been adding people in BBB Custserv.

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